Introverts in Love: The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After by Sophia Dembling (Engl

Description: Introverts in Love by Sophia Dembling "Love is tricky for everyone--and different personality types can face their own unique problems. Now the author of The Introverts Way offers a guide to romance that takes you through the frequently outgoing world of dating, courting, and relationships, helping you navigate issues that are particular to introverts, from making conversation at parties to the challenges of dating an extrovert"-- FORMAT Paperback LANGUAGE English CONDITION Brand New Publisher Description A warm and accessible guide for introverts navigating the frequently-extroverted world of dating and relationships.From the author of The Introverts Way, a friendly and accessible guide to dating and relationships for introverts.Love is tricky for everyone--and different personality types can face their own unique problems. Now the author ofThe Introverts Way offers aguide to romance that takes you through the frequently outgoing world of dating, courting, and relationships, helping you navigate issues that are particular to introverts, from making conversation at parties to the challenges of dating an extrovert. Author Biography Sophia Dembling is the author of The Introverts Way and is a prolific blogger at Psychology Today (The Introverts Corner) and PsychCentral.com (Real World Research), among others. She has won two Lowell Thomas gold medals for her travel writing. She lives in Dallas, Texas. Review "This book is for anyone who has ever wrestled with the conflict between the wish to stay home and the desire to go out and find a partner… a book about the human capacity for love."—Susan Cain, author of the New York Times bestseller Quiet"A terrific, affirming treatise on the many gifts an introvert brings to a relationship and how best to let them glow."—Library Journal"Dembling (The Introverts Way) tackles the pitfalls of dating and relationships for the introspective and sometimes socially awkward. With introversion reaching buzzword status, this book may attract an audience."—Publishers WeeklyPraise for The Introverts Way"In this thought-provoking treatise on the quieter types, Dembling, the blogger behind Psychology Todays "The Introverts Corner," proposes a wholesale rethinking of what it means to be an introvert…. Demblings account is refreshingly candid and straightforward—"I am an introvert," she writes, "And theres not a damn thing wrong with me."—Publishers Weekly "Unlike Quiet, it not only provides scientific and cultural background but also practical tips and a thorough-note of complete understanding of the introverts nature. An introvert myself, I have never read a book that I have so truly felt myself in." -—Psych Central "Dembling urges introverts to embrace their need for solitude, reflection, and regeneration with no apologies. Its what makes us who we are."—Cleveland Plain Dealer Promotional From the author ofThe Introverts Way, this thoughtful book provides introverts with the guidance they need for dealing with matters of 5the heart, including . . . Review Quote Praise for The Introverts Way "In this thought-provoking treatise on the quieter types, Dembling, the blogger behind Psychology Todays "The Introverts Corner," proposes a wholesale rethinking of what it means to be an introvert…. Demblings account is refreshingly candid and straightforward-"I am an introvert," she writes, "And theres not a damn thing wrong with me." -Publishers Weekly "Unlike Quiet , it not only provides scientific and cultural background but also practical tips and a thorough-note of complete understanding of the introverts nature. An introvert myself, I have never read a book that I have so truly felt myself in." -- P sych Central "Dembling urges introverts to embrace their need for solitude, reflection, and regeneration with no apologies. Its what makes us who we are." -Cleveland Plain Dealer Promotional "Headline" From the author of The Introverts Way , this thoughtful book provides introverts with the guidance they need for dealing with matters of 5the heart, including . . . Excerpt from Book Introduction Love is complicated. It is both universal and highly individual. In a way, nobody is an expert on love, and in a way, everybody is. Love is the same for all of us; it must be, or songs about love wouldnt twang such universal chords. But its also different--how often have you looked at a couple and wondered how they could possibly stay together? Introversion and extroversion are only two small facets of all that makes us who we are. Each of us is a rich and complex slumgullion of traits and quirks, nature and nurture, hopes and dreams and irritating habits. And, of course, the most basic rules for relationship success are the same for introverts, extroverts, and everyone in between: Communication, compromise, respect. Same with things that lead to relationship failure. The details may change but the general principles are the same for everyone. So if we know that, why a book just for and about introverts and love? Well, for one thing, being an introvert can seem at odds with seeking and finding love. We just dont put ourselves out there as much as extroverts; and even when we do, we arent as quick to make friends of strangers. "I dont meet as many people as my friends because I generally prefer to stay home and delve into something really stimulating, like reading or video games," says Taylor, a 27-year-old single writer and an introvert. "I also dont tend to mingle too well with people at parties. I do better with friends there with me, and I can turn it on and talk to just about anyone without awkwardness, but I often dont." Not only that, but when introverts meet someone who sparks their interest, they often are uncomfortable making the first move of any kind. Ray-Mel, a 60-year-old artist and an introvert, says that he was so crushed the times he stepped out of his comfort zone and pursued someone only to be turned down, he decided it wasnt worth the risk. "After a while I just sat back and waited to be approached rather than do the approaching," he says. "That resulted in long inactive periods." (Fortunately, Ray-Mel met the perfect extrovert for him; youll hear more about that later.) On top of that, with our limited energy for interaction, where do we even find the juice for the search? How do we meet potential partners when mingling is such a chore for us? How do we stand out when we prefer to hold back? And are introverts more likely to find love with an extrovert, who will bring sparkle and energy to our lives? Or an introvert, who will cozy up in quiet comfort with us? You might never have asked yourself these questions explicitly, but they have affected your quest for love all the same. And it doesnt end there. After we have found someone, our introversion comes into play in other ways. How do we let another person into our hearts while still honoring the introversion that makes us private people? How do we balance the togetherness we want and the solitude we need without hurt feelings and misunderstandings? How many phone calls and text messages every day are too many? For a lot of people, a new love interest is all consuming, but even a new love interest cant trump a need for solitude for some introverts. John, a 59-year-old divorced engineer, wonders about the challenge of "maintaining confidence in his introversion and independence in a society that pushes the concept of relationship dependence." Drew, a 34-year-old single attorney, says that inevitably any woman he dates will eventually complain that she is not getting enough time from him. "How much time do you need?" he wonders. "Daily? I cant do that." Is it possible some people arent cut out for full-time relationships? Ill talk about that, too. Throughout this book youll find interviews with introverts--single, coupled, divorced, straight and gay, and even one who identifies as polyamorous--who told me about looking for and finding romantic partners, about their relationships, good and strained, about what they have and what they want, why they are happy and how they could be happier. I talked to introverts in relationships with extroverts and introverts in relationships with other introverts. I talked to newlyweds and to people who had been married for many years. Why didnt I talk to extroverts, too? Well, I think weve already heard a lot from extroverts, whether from the extroverts we know or the extroverts who have, until recently, tended to dominate public conversation. After all, speaking up is one of the things extroverts do best. Besides, one thing Ive learned since I started writing about introversion in 2009 is that a lot of introverts out there didnt know they were introverts until they started reading about it and hearing what other introverts have to say. All they knew was that they felt like weirdos, and that people were always telling them they were doing life wrong and should be different. In the years since, introversion has become a hot topic; introverts have been gleefully surfing a learning curve, figuring out who they are and how they function in the world. My first book, The Introverts Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World , was a general guide to life as an introvert, and I heard from many, many introverts that it helped them recognize, accept, and articulate their own needs. Now I hope to do the same with introverts and relationships. While I will discuss mistakes introverts can make in their relationships with extroverts, this book is for introverts and about introverts. Extroverts are invited to read it, of course, but you wont hear their voices in these pages. Some of what we discuss here may have you nodding in agreement, some may shed new light on an aspect of yourself or your relationship, some may leave you with question marks floating around your head. Thats OK. As with any advice, you take what fits and forget the rest. The purpose of this book is not to provide a no-fail formula for happy relationships (if only I could, I would be so rich!) but to suggest some things to consider in your own pursuit of happily ever after. If youre in the process of looking for love, I hope this book will help you identify qualities that sound compatible with your particular style of introversion. I also hope this book will help you open up explicit discussions about what you need as an introvert, and will make this discussion easier by showing you that others share your feelings and how they handle them. Here is a road map for talking about needing solitude even in the context of intimate relationships; about socializing versus staying home; about how we handle conflict. Knowing that your feelings about these things are 100 percent A-OK and shared by others will, I hope, give you confidence in weeding out of your life those people who try to change or shame you. If you are in a relationship, you might have already worked through many of the issues discussed here--or maybe not. If not, perhaps something here will give you a different perspective on a recurring problem or discomfort, be it morning chatter or guilt trips over your need for occasional time away. My goal here is not to present definitive answers as much as shed light on various relevant issues that may arise. And the wonderful thing is that if you are in a relationship with open communication and mutual respect, issues once identified can be worked out. And thats how you get on, and stay on, the road to happily ever after. PART I To Get There, You Have to Know Where Youre Going What Do You Want from a Relationship? Birds of a Feather, or Opposites Attract? Should You Seek an Introvert or an Extrovert? The question Im asked more than any other when it comes to relationships is: Are introvert-introvert unions best because they understand each others ways? Or are introvert-extrovert couples happier because they balance each other out? The unsatisfying answer is yes. Yes, birds of a feather flock together, and yes, opposites attract. It just depends. "It was stressful being married to an extrovert," says Tone, a 43-year-old pensioner. "We never had the same needs for a social life and I had to push myself every day trying to meet my exs need for being around people and doing the things that he thought the both of us should do." Now Tone is married to an introvert and says its a big relief. "He understands my needs and how I think because he feels the same. I feel peaceful inside for the first time in my life." However, Tyler, a 28-year-old church technical director, found dating an introverted woman difficult. "When Im in a crowd or social situation, its pretty much everything I can do to maintain what Im doing. I couldnt really babysit someone who wasnt able to handle the situation. I can do one or the other, thats it." The woman he ultimately married about five years ago "can make friends with a rock," he says, and thats part of what attracted him to her. "I was really surprised at how many friends she had and how much energy she put into spending time with those friends," he says. "I guess I kind of admired it." The introverts I talked to who were in relationships are almost evenly divided between introvert-introvert couples and introvert-extrovert couples. And the few divorced introverts I spoke to are also equally divided--some divorced from introverts, some from extroverts. So, where does this leave us? In the fuzzy gray "it depends" area between birds of a feather and opposites attract. Because, as it turns out, introversion and extroversion may not even come into play when it comes to the kind of people who attract us. Research by psychologist Glenn Geher suggests that we choose partners who resemble our opposite-sex parent, altho Details ISBN0399170618 Author Sophia Dembling Pages 208 Publisher Penguin Putnam Inc Year 2015 ISBN-10 0399170618 ISBN-13 9780399170614 Format Paperback Subtitle The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After Country of Publication United States DEWEY 306.7 Place of Publication Los Angeles Short Title INTROVERTS IN LOVE Language English Media Book Residence TX, US Imprint Perigee Books,U.S. Affiliation Sophia Dembling UK Release Date 2015-01-06 Publication Date 2015-01-06 US Release Date 2015-01-06 Alternative 9780757000379 Audience General NZ Release Date 2015-02-24 AU Release Date 2015-02-24 We've got this At The Nile, if you're looking for it, we've got it. 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